My name is Banksy.
I’m from Manchester, UK, and I decided to take part in Victorious Voices because I wanted to share my name and my story in a light that does not frame me as a victim or a broken person. I want to show other CSA Survivors out there, especially males, that you do not have to carry your experience alone. I want people to understand that we than our trauma and our experiences of abuse do not define who we are.
I am most passionate about normalising the conversation around CSA., I suffered for many years because I felt I had nowhere or no one to turn to with my experiences of abuse. I want to show other people out there who feel that way that there are better options. The changes we need will only come when people start talking about this widespread problem in society.
I suffered abuse at the hands of a close family member from the age of 6-10. I made a promise to my brother that I would seek help regarding my abuse. Sadly, he took his own life just six weeks later, and this has been a driving force for me ever since.
The very first step was receiving therapy with Survivors Manchester (Now We Are Survivors) as part of their Healing Steps programme after being referred to the service by a previous counsellor. After that, I also joined the Safe Room at Survivors Manchester, now known as We Are Survivors. This is a peer-to-peer support group that offered a space for me to share my experiences with no expectations and no judgment. I have made lifelong friends from the group, and one of my proudest moments was running a 10k three years ago to raise money for the charity. This was the first time I shared publicly that I am a CSA Survivor, and it felt very liberating.
My biggest coping mechanism is simply being active and present, walking, spending time with friends and family, and music. They help centre me and calm me; I enjoy the sense of connection these activities bring me. The beauty of these strategies is that they are free and easy; I can do them any time I need them.
I’ve had several therapists on my healing journey, but each one provided a space where I felt seen and heard. These sessions were the first time I had experienced empathic listening where I felt understood, which in turn gave me a voice to share what I had been through. My immediate family and close friends have been so caring and understanding, they have been there for me throughout, which has given me the confidence to find acceptance of my trauma. All the support has given me a space to just be me, with all that entails. It has allowed me to integrate my traumatic experiences into myself, allowing me to see beyond them and enjoy my life.
The most helpful resource for me has been the peer-to-peer support group I previously mentioned. I have also had a fantastic ISVA who has fought my corner ferociously and provided me with great support at a time when I really needed it. These two combined have been the biggest and most beneficial resources I’ve ever had.
All of the above in accumulation has been a constant reminder that I am more than just my trauma. Slowly, I have grown an awareness that I am more than my abuse, that it doesn’t define or have to have a hold on me forever. I have difficulty putting this into words because it is more of a feeling that I can’t really describe. But one of the tangible ways that I can share, for instance, is my decision to start a Counselling course at Bury College to become a Counsellor to help others. This is my ultimate goal and the reason I do everything I’m doing, including sharing my story here.
I cultivated self-care by dealing with my trauma in a safe space, where I was able to regulate my thoughts and feelings. I learnt how to ground myself and recognise when I had been triggered, then I developed my skills in dealing with triggers, which prevented them from causing me to disengage with normal daily life. This has been a slow process, but at times, positive ways of coping have clicked into place almost instantly. The more you grow, the easier it all becomes. I also recognise the times when I need to sit with my negative emotions and feelings, and I allow myself the time and space to do that before pushing on. It’s important I process these negative elements rather than suppressing them.
The biggest turning point for me was taking my brother’s advice about seeking help and accepting that I did need the help available. I had tried therapists and counselling in the past, but none of them understood my needs and subsequently didn’t work. When my brother sadly passed away, I was determined to keep my word to him and find what works for me, which is how I ended up using the services of We Are Survivors, which were life-changing. I also took part in the MESARCH at Coventry University, which was a turning point for me because I learnt a lot about abuse in general and myself; it helped me find my voice and realise I am not the only one with these experiences. This new knowledge gave me the courage and confidence to actually use my voice once I found it. On a personal note, becoming a granddad recently has been an amazing experience because it has given me a renewed sense of vigour and belonging, which I am very grateful for.
One of my biggest challenges has been self-doubt. There have been times when I have questioned if I should be vocal about my experience and if I am on the right path, taking this avenue of change. Silence is so ingrained in society that it made me feel like I was wrong for speaking out at times. The biggest setback on my journey was my NFA decision from the CPS in 2021. For context, reporting to the police is a very difficult process. You are baring your soul, so it is a huge blow when an NFA decision is made. When I received this news, it sent me into a big spiral that left me suicidal and at the lowest point of this journey. But whilst this was awful to go through at the time, this was a turning point for me when I realised I didn’t want to be defeated by this. It was a huge disappointment to put myself through the police process, give evidence, and relive my trauma, only for it to go nowhere. It took this spiral for me to realise that I do still have love in the form of my friends and family that was bigger than any form of justice in the court process. My act of justice now is becoming the best version of me for me and my family, too.
I have absolutely found forgiveness for myself. I believe this is where true forgiveness starts. I forgive myself for all my past thoughts, the ones where I believed I was dirty and deserved my abuse. I also forgive myself for my transgressions in the past, a lot of them were done from a place of survival and do not reflect who I truly am or was. Forgiving others is more complex for me. I do not forgive my perpetrator, and I don’t think I ever will. At this moment in time I can’t see it happening, maybe in five years it may be different, but I doubt it. Forgiveness for myself to grow is where I’m at currently.
My main advice, particularly to Survivors at the start of this journey, is that you possess far more strength and courage than you realise. The path to self-recovery is like a ladder; just take one step at a time. Don’t jump, don’t leap, and take time for yourself. Focus on what needs to be done to get to where you want to be, which for me was a place of peace and contentment with myself and my experiences. I would like to spread hope that there is more to come after abuse; it doesn’t define you as a person.