Growing up was tough for me. I come from a dysfunctional family filled with drama and trauma. And to top it off, my dad was very homophobic.  So, when I realized I was gay, it just made everything so much worse. I never felt safe at home, always walking on eggshells. I felt like I was the only gay kid in the world. I didn't know anyone else like me. It was lonely.

When I was fifteen, I turned to the internet to try to find others like me, to feel seen and understood. I chatted with this boy who seemed cool, and we decided to meet up. But when I got there, it was like a horror movie. Instead of a boy my age, I met this older man who seemed to be in his forties or fifties. I wanted to run away, but before I knew it, he attacked me, beat me up and raped me. It was so horrible; I thought my life was over.

For over two decades, I kept it all inside, too scared to tell anyone what happened. It ate away at me, eating me up inside. But with time and a lot of therapy, I found my way back. I turned my pain into something positive, a way to help others going through similar struggles. Now, I'm in a better place. I've healed, and I'm using my experience to make a difference. It's been a journey, that's for sure, but I'm grateful for where I am now and who I've become. And if my story can help even one person, then it's all been worth it.

The turning point in my life in deciding to share that I am a Survivor was having a breakdown, reaching rock bottom, and feeling like I can't live my life hiding any more. I later realised it was a breakthrough as it pushed me in the right direction. The initial steps I took towards healing from my abuse was sharing my story for the first time in over two decades with a person I trusted. I also reached out for help/therapy at the same time.

For me the positive coping mechanisms that helped me navigate the healing process are connecting to self-love and self-compassion, this was a game changer for me after a life full of self-hatred.

Healing wouldn't be possible without all the support networks I have built since taking these first steps, ’We are Survivors’, friends, coaches, mentors, and therapists. I found the services of We Are Survivors particularly helpful, along with person-centred counselling – these both gave me the space to explore my inner workings and figure out my journey.

Counselling was the first place I was able to share my story and not feel judged, a therapist holding space for me allowing me to feel in charge of my own life. I have encountered setbacks and challenges in my healing journey, the biggest ones have been struggles with self-belief and self-worth. Being able to work on my sense of self-worth made all the difference. It made me strive for joy, happiness, great life, connection, and inspiring others through sharing my own story.

I have cultivated self-care through knowing myself, my own needs and what makes me tick. Knowing my own mind. It has helped me set boundaries with others and myself and have clarity of what serves me and what doesn't. In hindsight, all the breakdowns, pain, and inner turmoil were the greatest teachers for me.

I have adopted the mindset that all these experiences are there to teach me a lesson and that I can become a better person for learning the lessons. Deciding to share my story publicly was a turning point in my journey of reclaiming my sense of identity and agency.

It gave me an immense sense of power and confidence. Like many other Survivors, I blamed myself for what happened to me for a very long time. Forgiving myself for all those years of self-hatred, blaming and shaming myself permitted me to seek help and the desire to improve my life. For my own wellbeing, I even see the possibility of forgiving the abuser someday.

On looking back on my journey, I would say to other Survivors no one deserves to live in the shadows of their traumatic past. The trauma and our minds try to isolate us from the world. Don't fall for this trap. Look for help, support, people, and communities. Healing is possible. In my experience, it takes some work to realise that people have a choice. Once they realise that, everything is in their own control.

Happiness, joy, peace - it's all possible.