My name is Carole brooks.

I experienced intrafamilial sexual abuse that began when I was seven and continued until I left home at sixteen. I didn’t take my first steps towards healing until I began therapy at the age of 28. I was divorcing my first husband during that time and was suffering from depression. I realised that I had unresolved trauma. Co-dependency, perfectionism and eating disorders had become ways of coping and surviving.

A turning point for me was when I reported my abuser to the police. My support network fell into place during this time. I had my therapist, as well as friends and family who stood beside me. I had to leave behind those who wanted to silence me. Reporting to the police was how I began to reclaim my sense of identity and agency.

My self-care practices include meditation, spending time in nature and recognising that my rights and needs are as important as those of other people. I also speak publicly about CSA.

A big setback on my journey was when my abuser was found not guilty.  I lost relationships with members of my family. My health also began to deteriorate, reflecting the central idea of Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score. For me, the continuing lack of safety contributed as much to the long-term trauma as the abuse itself. This instilled a lack of trust in other people, leading to isolation, loneliness and depression.

Forgiveness, for me, has meant understanding that none of this was ever my fault and that it was never my burden to carry My advice to other CSA survivors on their path to healing is this: remember that you were a child! You should have been protected. The shame is not yours to carry. It belongs entirely with the person who abused you.

Speak out if you feel you are able to—don’t protect child abusers with your silence.