My name is Shikesh Sorathia.

I was abused by a family friend at the ages of five and seven, I was also abused by males within my own family. The specific details themselves are not important as knowing a child has been abused is horrific enough.

The initial catalyst for me to share my abuse was the breakthrough I got through therapy. I reported my abuse to the police after escaping, but sadly the Met Police put me through hell and many of the psychological injuries have become permanent, so I will never be able to heal fully.

A simple coping mechanism for me was anything that kept me distracted, but also smiling and laughing. Whether it was writing poetry, music production, playing games, speaking to people etc. The biggest thing that has helped me is listening to other survivors both virtually and in person. This is when I started to feel heard and be seen as I did not feel alone anymore and understood I was not to blame.

I have never had a social life, so I was always distant, not just because of my mental health, but from how I was brainwashed when being domestically abused to be kept alone, so I could continue to be used for my perpetrators own selfish reasons. As it was ‘family’ who abused me too, they never helped and made it worse. The therapists I have had over the years, have given me a safe space to open up and not be afraid of what I have wanted to say. The real change happened when I had therapy via a male survivor organisation in 2022, I was ready to speak about things that I had never told previous therapists.

Every resource and therapy that I have experienced has played a different role during different times of my journey until today. I cannot quite choose one over the other because it is usually what might be needed in the moment, so to receive the same type of therapy or read the same resource at different moments within the healing journey, it would not always have the same outcomes/perspectives.

The main way I have reclaimed myself is by separating myself from the perpetrators and continuously telling myself I am nothing like them. I have reminded myself of who I am as a person and how I have always lived which is vastly different from those that have abused me. I recently saw a post on TikTok that explained ‘if you were the problem child, then it’s because you always pointed out the problem’ and this explains the power of creating a separation between survivors and perpetrators to understand who is who.

I did not even realise it at first, but I had incorporated self-care within my healing journey since 2016. This is when I became very spiritual and without even trying, I found myself putting my whole well-being first for once.

The biggest turning point was on 28th November 2011 when I called the ambulance as I had a plan to end my life that day, and the only reason I called the ambulance was because I told myself I wanted to know the real reason I had been abused for so long. The journey I have been on since then has given me the answers that leaves no questions. In 2014, after completing The Princes Trust Team Programme, I came up with a quote that I couldn’t understand fully at the time, but I do now – “I am not a victim, I am a witness, so it is my duty to give a testimony in order to eventually heal lives and stop abuse.”

Between February 2024 – April 2024 as I had therapy with Ben’s Place and have been involved with them since my first contact. This has brought opportunities to take part in research, Kintsugi and so much more.

Forgiving perpetrators who are not sorry for what they have done has taught me that it is a waste of energy and emotionally/psychologically traumatising, especially when they continued to abuse me even after. However, forgiving myself has always evolved because it is about creating the separation of knowing however I may have coped and so on, I was not responsible for it as I was processing things that are inhumane, so I was only being human to save myself from insanity.

The advice would be different for each survivor as they would all be at various stages within their journey, but as an example, I will share some advice for survivors who might be disclosing for the first time.

If you do not have family/relatives or friends that you trust, then contact an organisation that is trauma-informed while asking for help to move away if you do not feel loved at home. After you have disclosed/living in your own place, allow yourself to process the shock of finally telling someone for a few days/weeks.

Have as much therapy as you can and whenever you feel ready to build a new life, take some time to understand what you really want to do because you’re the one who is now in control and it’s no longer about surviving when it will be about living and thriving.