My name is Bethan Bruma.

I was abused by a family friend who attended the church I grew up in. It was covered up to protect his wife and the reputation of the church. It took me years to realise the seriousness of what had happened and how much emotional and psychological damage it had caused. It took thirty-four years before I was able to report it to the police. On one occasion on church property, the abuse escalated. Even as an innocent and naïve ten-year-old, I knew that what he had done was wrong and I told my mum the same day. Then, in 2021, I disclosed the abuse to a friend. She reacted with righteous anger and encouraged me to report it to the police. Her support gave me the strength to do just that.

Years after the abuse, I had counselling and began taking antidepressants. I still take them today. Years passed before I eventually reported the abuse to the police. I had more counselling and support from New Pathways. Reporting the abuse was the best thing I did. I am no longer ashamed of what happened to me. I do not blame myself or see myself as ‘soiled goods’ anymore. 

I was given the opportunity to speak at the church where I was abused as part of its annual safeguarding training. For the first time, I was able to speak publicly and honestly, and I was heard, seen and believed. It was a catalyst in my decision to become an advocate for others who have experienced abuse.

My support network contributed to my healing because they listened to me and believed me. They told me how strong I was and checked in on me. I knew they loved me no matter what. They were proud of me for speaking out. Having support from New Pathways was very helpful. My Independent Sexual Violence Advisor (ISVA) checked in on me regularly while the police were investigating, which made me feel less alone during the process. Having someone to check in on me made me feel less alone during the process. I also had a Christian counsellor during this period. That was important to me, as my faith is an integral part of who I am.

Speaking openly about what I had been through helped me regain my confidence. I was no longer ashamed, and I became much more comfortable in my own skin and content with being me. For so many years I was a people pleaser and had very low self-esteem. Once my darkest secret was out in the open and people continued to love and accept me, I became much more confident and sassier. I will not take any nonsense from people now. I am good enough just as I am.

For self-care, I began doing things that brought me joy, such as crafts, and trying activities I had always wanted to do. I have also become more confident in saying no and worry less about what people think of me.

A turning point in my recovery was being able to speak to the council of the church where I was abused. Some of the men present had been church officers at the time of the abuse. They had not been told anything about it by the minister at the time. They listened and were very respectful and supportive. It was immensely helpful to share my experience with them I spoke up for the ten-year-old version of myself when no one else had. Advocating for myself in that way meant a lot.

A major setback came when the CPS decided that my case could not proceed to court because my abuser had developed dementia. The written decision was hand-delivered to me by one of the police officers supporting me. I have never opened it, and I never will. The police had already told me the decision, so I did not need to read it. Choosing not to open it is one thing I can control. As a Christian, I believe that my abuser will be dealt with by God. It may sound unbelievable, but I have forgiven him. By forgiving him, I have taken away his power over me, and I can live free from hatred and bitterness. I will use my experiences to be the best advocate I can. What I went through will not be wasted.

In a way, I have always known that forgiveness was my goal. Forgiveness is part and parcel of my Christian faith and is taught by the Lord Jesus in the Bible. One of the hardest things was to not blame myself. Even though I was only ten years old, I still struggled to accept that I was in no way to blame. I do not blame myself one iota now. That freedom came through reporting what happened and receiving support to process the abuse properly.

For other CSA Survivors out there I would like to say you don’t have to carry the burden of abuse to yourself. There are good people who will listen and help, including wonderful advocates with lived experience of CSA who can come alongside you and travel through the healing process with you. This is why I am passionate about breaking the silence and showing that it does not define those who have experienced it. It was not your fault. You were massively let down: you were neither protected nor fought for. You can still live a successful and even joyous life despite what you went through. There are wonderful advocates who have lived experience of CSA and who can come alongside you and travel through the process of healing with you.

The burden is heavy, but my own experience of healing has taught me that it is possible to come out the other side. I am not my abuse.

I am enough, and I choose joy.