My name is Hua.
I am from China and now live in Leeds, UK. I wanted to take part in Victorious Voices because, as an adult, I can now recognise that some of the things that happened to me in the past were abusive.
I do not wish to go into the details of my abuse. Instead, I want to focus on what I have done to move beyond it. I now realise that I am not to blame for my abuse and that the responsibility lies entirely with the perpetrators. Telling my mum what happened to me has helped me feel safe.
In my city, there were men who targeted young girls to satisfy their own harmful sexual desires. I had to leave the place where it was happening. I think my friend saved me. In the culture in which I grew up, girls may experience abuse like this, but we rarely speak about it with our friends or parents because we are often made to feel ashamed. It was not until I became an adult that I began to realise it was not my fault.
One of my friends had also experienced abuse, some of which was more severe than my own experiences, and this made me think I had been lucky. Finding this out prompted me to reflect on my own experiences. My understanding has changed a great deal since I became an adult. In the culture in which I grew up, women and girls were often treated as sexual objects. It was only in the past few years that I realised that girls’ bodies do not exist to meet the needs of others. Sexual desire is normal, but we all have the right to refuse any behaviour that makes us uncomfortable.
If you are experiencing feelings of shame because of abuse, remember that what happened was not your fault. Do not let what happened trap you in feelings of shame and pain.
