My name is Sally Matthews.
I am from Surrey, UK. I'm not sure what image comes to mind when people think of a child living through sexual abuse or the adult they become, and that's why I wanted to take part in Victorious Voices — to show that abuse can happen to anyone. Children are far more likely to be abused by someone they know—often within their own family—than by the stereotypical stranger people imagine. Perpetrators come from all walks of life.
I was sexually abused by someone known to me in my family home. It started when I was eight years old and continued until I was almost sixteen - because my abuser fled.
The adults around me trusted my abuser. I've often wondered how they didn't notice the abuse. But I was living it and they weren't. Looking back, I can see my behaviour and how I carried myself changing so clearly, especially in old photographs. I still find it hard to look at pictures of myself as a child because of what they remind me of.
Being groomed and abused throughout my formative years instilled a deep sense of shame in me, and I believed it was my fault well into my twenties. I tried counselling more than once, but it didn't help — because I still held myself responsible in some way.
At twenty-nine, I decided to report my abuse to the police. They warned me it could feel like dropping a bomb on my family, with no guaranteed outcome. I chose to go ahead anyway. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I owed it to my younger self and wanted to do what I could to stop him from abusing anyone else.
Through that process, I met a therapist who changed everything. In our first session, she told me: 'We need to take all of this stuff—which isn't yours to carry—try to make sense of it, and then put back only the bits you need.' That reframing gave me the strength to get through the trial and helped me finally understand that I was a child and that none of it had ever been my fault.
In that courtroom, I decided to give him back all the shame and hurt I had carried, whatever the verdict, as it was never mine. I felt there was a power shift in that room - because he had to face me as an adult, which I hope erased any memories he had of me as a child.
He was sentenced to twenty-two years in prison and would spend the rest of his life on the sex offenders register.
I can never forgive the man who abused me. But understanding that it was never my fault has allowed me to make peace with what happened. Being a victim of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) does not define who I am. We are more than what happened to us. Recovery and living a fulfilled life is possible. CSA is uncomfortable to talk about, but the more openly we speak about it, the less room we leave for perpetrators to hide."